Sitting in the train he thought about so much. He was so busy lately, he didn't realize that he really didn't include those people that cared for him wohin his life. It was a month since he's been feeling so drained and unhappy. As he rides the train, he stares out of the window an notices the Christmas lights already up. The city is lit up with suCh beauty that is indescrible. The buildings lit like Christmas trees and the bridege with it's own model like pose in front of these buildings. It was picture perfect. For those few minutes of staring at this beautiful sight, he thought of the past. He missed when he was with her. As of now they would have been in frot of the tree, kissing under the beauty of it. It made him feel even more distraught with his life. He didn't feel alone though. Instead, he felt hurt and incomplete. Why had this even occur in the first place. What could he have done? These were constant questions he would ask himself every day along with he million other thoughts that flooded his mind. He thanked god for his mind to be able to hold an infinite amour of information otherwise he couldve sworn his brain would have liquified. The smoke practically came out of his ears. "plop-plunk" was what broke his train of thought. Someone had just dropped a tube olding what he thought seemed important. Business like. He instinctively picked it up and handed it to this girl; this beautiful young lady who looked around his age. Her face soft, and eyes filled with fire yet filled with such gentleness. Her hair flowed with such elegance. And in immediate reaction To her beautiful deep blue sea eyes that seemed to glow flourscently, he said "oh, wow.." she said thank you, but gave him a strange look, an said "what?" realizing what he had said, with an embarassed smile he replied "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to say that out loud..." "but what is it? Why did you wow?", seeming a bit irrated. He replied, "no , no it's just your eyes. They're just... Well... Beautiful. But I'm sorry that should not have come out of my mouth." she awkwardly smiled and giggled saying" okAy, but thank you though" he replied with a you're welcome, but kept thinking about how he just embarassed Himself. He began searching for his headphones to ignore the rest ofthe world from what had happened, until she said "so was that some type of pick up or something? Were you going to ask for my number next? " "no, no I didn't mean it to soun that way. I just was actually stunned by them. No actual pickup behind it." he noticed her face change. "I mean not that I wouldnt ask you for your number, I just didn't have that as a plan when I saw you" she lauhex and said "okAy, but do you want m number?" he looked up suddenly smiled and said "well maybe I should first ask for your name. Hi, my name is jesse. It's nice to meet you" "tulip, and likewise"

It's been a little over a month since the break. I still don't understand what happened. Since my last entry things went amazingly. Honestly, we got so close. Six months came on October 6 and we got each other he same gift, engraved And all (without even knowing). She even wrote me this beautiful letter. But then 2 weeks later shit changed suddenly. By the end of October we were down. We haven't spoken since. It was out of no where, for no reason at all. Absolutely none. I did nothing wrong. Shit was getting tough at home and school and I think she took it out on me. Alrite enough.
So about her being the one. Yeah, she was. She still is. Don't think this is some lover romantic bullshit. I'm actually serious. She's the one I wanted to share a life with. The only one I'd take shit from no matter what. She could say whatever and I'd take it. Anyone else I'd break them down. With her, turn to melted butter. Not only that, I loved her like no other. Like loved her legit...and she loved me as she said so many times with truth in her voice. What happened? I have no fucking idea. She was what I was looking for. I mean yeah, you must be thinking oh but you fell "in love" in high school for four years. Yeah well, I was immature, a sucker for blue eyes, black hair, and a blunt attitude. Though I am still a sucker for blue eyes, and black hair, there's so much more I wanted. Kai was that person except she had green eyes and her hair color changed bimonthly lol but dude, she was it. Now that it's over, iit feels strange. I mean I'm taking it rather well since my fucked up October break down.I guess I've actually touhened up since my high school four year obsession. Part me has a feeling shell com back-Kai I mean. That shell write me and want to talk. Part of me says you hope that. Well, whatever it is, I'm just totally riding the wave. Whatevr happens happens And if it happens then it was meant to be.
Someone mentioned something about finding a specific kind of peace in something-that being on the subject of love. If the answer is found I must know. I'm a fucking romantic, that's nothing new. So when I fall I fall hard. This time, she was the girl. No other will match her. No other will be better. No one will get the love I gave her. Shell always be loved and I her sucker. Except one thing. I'm not one who holds his tongue anymore. That has hanged for her, unfortuantely. Well, well see.
Until the end of the world...

Ive been neglecting you again, my lovely Xanga. :(

.......

Duddddde!!! Xanga!! Bonsoir! Ca va? It's been a while. Niye? Je ne sais pas. It's okay I'm back. So much to say but my touch isn't as quickly as my fingers. Lol A bientot! Au revoir! Je t'aime